Movie Theater Rage (MTR)

Ok....I admit it...I have MTR (movie theatre rage). Step one complete...11 more to go. I get angry when I go to the movie theatre...why do you ask? Because I'm not one of those people who can really tell others exactly how I feel because I start to worry about their feelings...stupid isn't it. I always get in front of the group of talkers, the texters, the seat kickers, the sloppy make-out couple, the farters, the chew-popcorn-with-your-mouth-open people, the people who think they are part of the movie, the gaspers, the screamer and the little kids that think it's okay to grab the back of your chair constantly thus leaving a little bald spot on the back of your head from ripping your hair out! It never fails....I sit there and start getting angry...Brit tells me to calm down and that it will be ok............I leave the movie feeling cheated.
To help with my therapy here are the things I would like to say:
Shut up!
If you kick my chair one more time, the next time you come here you will have to sit in the handicap chairs!
They can't hear you, nor do they want your advice. They are going to go upstairs....why? Because they don't know the killer is up there like we do. Also because that is what they are supposed to do. It's in the script! It would be a boring movie if they didn't go up there and get whacked.
Why yes! I did pay $8 for a ticket and $20 for a small popcorn and mini drink so I could hear what you wanted to say! Your boyfriend looked at another girl? I'm so sorry! He probably did because he finds you annoying because you talk during movies!
Special affects are not always supposed to be realistic...it's called fiction! Save your "whatever", "get real" and "that couldn't really happen". We all know Keanu Reeves can't fight that many Mr. Smiths even if there could be that many of the same person, we also know he can't fly. (This goes out to the charming girl sitting behind me during Kung Fu Hustle!)
If we want a movie recap, we will look it up on the internet or rent the movie when it comes out. We are watching the same movie, so you don't have to repeat what just happened...no matter how funny the line is!
I could go on and on, but I think this has really helped. Now I don't have to spend as much time in therapy!
Love to you all....and if you sit behind me at the movie theatre....well I probably won't say anything, but I'll think mean thoughts if you do any of the above mentioned!